Different perspectives for improved communication
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Ever taken a moment to step back and think about how the position from which you are perceiving something is influencing your communication in that moment?
Well I invite you now to take a step back and explore a concept with me in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) called "Perceptual Positions".
We usually just think that what we are seeing is what there is to see from ourperspective. Yet in actual fact, our perspective can come from one of 5 different positions. Each mental position is just a different reference point, much like a different angle of a camera or a different radio station frequency. Each point comeswith its own usefulness and drawbacks.
We unconsciously already use these different mental positions, but by knowing about them we can choose to use them to gain more understanding of a situation, and that often leads to new choices or options being created.
The positions are best explained in the context of a conversation that you have had with another person:
First Position: this is where you are in your shoes, looking out your eyes at the other person. You are experiencing being with this other person, and what you are feeling, seeing and hearing.
Second Position: now you step in the shoes of the other person, looking back at yourself through their eyes. Second position is about experiencing the conversation from the point of view of the other person- what they are seeing and hearing and experiencing as they look back at you.
Third Position: This perspective is like being a fly on the wall or a neutral observer. From there you are gathering information about the interaction between the two people in the conversation- seeing yourself and the other person exchanging words, behaviours and emotions.
Fourth Position: this position gets you to take a step back from the conversation between the 2 people, and see it from the context within which it is happening. It takes into consideration the system within which the interaction is occurring, like the family, business team or community, and brings in information from that system’s perspective.
Fifth Position: When we take a view from way out in the universe, (all the way to be with God if that is your belief) and look back at the conversation way down on earth, we gain another perspective of that interaction.
From each position you gain very different bits of information. And with more information, comes more understanding. Taking any difficult situation through all 5 positions helps to get a more balanced appreciation of that situation.
When it comes to communication, it is often useful to note which position is your default, and likely to be impacting the results you are aiming to achieve. For example, if you are trying to explain a concept from first position, and the person you are explaining to is not able to grasp the concept, by shifting your position to second, or third, you might gain information that will show you what is blocking the person from understanding.
Or if you are mostly in second position to others, it is more useful to step into first position when you need to clearly state your own opinion on a matter, or voice a need or request.
From having the flexibility to shift your perceptual position at will, you will be in a useful space of being able to gain more information about the complexity of a situation. It's then up to you how you use that information to assist in creating more clear and constructive communication.
And that is what is empowering – having information that leads to choice in any moment!
To you flexibly using all perspectives!
Telana
Labels: communication, NLP, perceptual positions, perspective
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posted by Telana @ 10:58 am,
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Frames of Mind - Part 3
Monday, May 14, 2007
We've been exploring Frames of Mind that are common, especially in the work place, and how they effect communication. We looked at the preferred size of information people use when communicating and reasoning in Part 1, and the frames of mind about dealing with instructions in Part 2.
The last frame of mind in these series that I'd like to share with you today is about how we work with and compare data and information.
On the one side of the continuum we look for what matches what we already know, we look for what we find as the same as our existing knowledge. On the other side, we look for what differs or mismatches our knowledge.
This frame of mind plays a dominant role in determining our overall style of communication, as well as our world-view.
Those who sort for sameness, tend to focus their attention on how things match up in similar way to previous experiences. They value security and want their world to stay the same. Those that prefer to sort for differences will first notice the things that differ and don't match. They value change, variety, and newness. They don't like situations that remain static - they find them boring. When overdone, they will notice only differences, problems, and things that do not fit.
Now can you imagine someone who sorts for sameness at an extreme level working for someone who mismatches in an extreme way? It would make for an exciting relationship, to say the least.
Another interesting point about this continuum is that some people match with exception, and others mismatch with exception. By this I mean some look for similarities first, and then differences, while others look for differences first, and then similarities.
So where are you on this scale? Ask yourself: What relationship do you see first between what you do now and what you did last year? What do you pat attention to first when you walk into a room? What is the relationship between where you live now and your previous home? Notice if you answers are about what's the same or similar, or if they are about what's different.
So have you worked out if you prefer similarities or differences? And can you work out what your colleague prefers?
So how do we communicate with this frame of mind? Well, with those who match, emphasize areas of mutual agreement, security, what you both want and ignore differences - especially at first. With people who mismatch, emphasize how things differ, the new, the different, the distinctions - even the revolutionary. Talk about adventure and development. For those that do a bit of both- alternate your talk between things that match and those that mismatch.
Talking is easy. Communication, on the other hand, requires greater skill - and as we've explored the frames of mind involved in communication, I hope you have seen how the skill of effective communication can be developed. You can develop it through being aware of the size of the bits of information you use when talking. You can also look at how people prefer to deal with instructions, and give it to them in a more options or more procedural way. And you can look at how some people prefer to match or mismatch information, and you can tailor your message so that you get your points across to them in the way they can more easily understand it.
So as a coach this article would not be complete without bringing these tips into action. So, did you find this information useful? Have you decided to remember it? Can you identify an opportunity in the next week where you can try one of these tips out? Perhaps it's a meeting, a conversation with your colleague, a phone call or a reply to an email.
With finding ways to use these tips, you'll notice that people understand you more, and there will be less frustration in communicating. The effectiveness of your communication will improve, and with that you'll be more successful.
So to end with, for those who are global- these are the tips to be successful. For those who are more procedural, remember that there are 3 sets of frames of mind each on a continuum, and their order is 1. global-specific, 2. options- procedures, and 3. matching-mismatching. And for those that mismatch, well you probably won't remember this article anyway!
To effective communicating!
Telana
Labels: communication
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posted by Telana @ 5:41 am,
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Frames of Mind - Part 2
Sunday, May 13, 2007
As we started looking at Frames of Mind in my last post (Part 1), remember that these frames of mind are very contextual, and are only more useful or less useful depending on the context.
In this post we'll be looking at our frames of mind about dealing with instructions. It's the frame of mind to do with our organizational style.
When it comes to dealing with instructions or getting something done, we have 2 broad responding styles - the procedures style or the options style.
Those that prefer options, work better at developing new procedures and figuring out alternatives to a strategy. They don't enjoy procedures, especially if they have already donethat procedure. If it works, they would much rather improve it or change it. They value alternatives and search for new and different approaches.
On the other side of the continuum are those who prefer procedures - they like to follow specific and definite procedures. They may not know how to create the procedures, but give them a process and they thrive on doing it just right. Procedures motivate them, and they enjoy a sense of closure –so prefer to complete procedures.
So where are you? As I ask you the next questions, just note your answers. Why did you choose your job? Why did you choose your bank?
If your answer was a reason, and one that is about choosing or options, you'd be more of an option person. If your answer was more of a story, with lots of facts, and you didn't mention choosing, you have more of a procedural orientation. You probably answered moreof a "how" you chose your job question than a "why" you chose it.
And so now that you have an idea of your frame of mind, what would you guess is your colleague's? or your family member? Of loved one? Are you on the same side of the continuum or not?
Knowing that now, how would you change the way you present a task or request to that person?
When communicating with someone who has more of an options frame of mind, talk about the possibilities and options and innovations involved in the task. Avoid giving them fixed step-by-step procedures. Rather play it by ear and emphasize all of the alternatives available to them.
When talking with someone who prefers procedures, give them specific details of the procedurethat clearly takes them from where they are to completing the task. Give them ways of dealingwith procedures that break down and allow them to finish processes to get closure. You can also number things as in points 1, 2, 3 or 5 steps to close a deal.
In our next post, we'll look at another frame of mind, about how we compare information.
To improved communication!
Telana
Labels: communication
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posted by Telana @ 6:31 am,
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Frames of Mind - Part 1
Friday, May 11, 2007
Every person you meet today, that you engage with in conversation, that you try to influence or who tries to influence you in some way, is operating from some frame of mind.
It is this frame of mind that is behind or above the actual words that they are using. It is this frame of mind that determines their perspective; that determines what they value, their style of thinking and feeling, and pattern for choosing and behaving. All of which we experience through how that person communicates with us.
I'd like to share with you 3 frames of mind over the next few posts that are most common, especially in the workplace, and that effect communication.
Before we look at the first one, I just want to point out that these frames of mind are on a continuum and are very contextual. So you might prefer one side of the continuum in one situation, and the other side in another situation. Also, there is no right or wrong frame of mind. Rather there are only useful and less useful frames of mind for each specific context.
So the first frame of mind is about the preferred size of information people use when communicating and reasoning.
On one side of the continuum is the global aspect- the big picture thinking. On the other side is the specific aspect - the minute detailed thinking.
People who are more global tend to like high level abstract ideas first, and then they deduce down to the specifics. Whereas people who are more detailed begin with the specific details and then induce up to general principles and global ideas.
So where are you on this continuum? To help you work this out, how do you answer these questions?
- If we were to do a project together, what would you want to know first: the details and a lot of the specifics, or the overall purpose and what we generally will do?
- When you pick up a book, what do you pay attention to first- the big picture, the book cover, or specific details about its value?
So do you have a sense of whether you prefer more specific or more global thinking? And now what about a colleague at work? Or a family member? Does s/he talk about the big picture or the details?
So for those of you who are more global, you probably can easily recall times you've felt bored and frustrated when someone has insisted on telling you every detail of a project or meeting, you probably feel like saying: "Give me your general concept or idea and let me see what that implies".
And for those who sort via specifics, you may recall the frustration of dealing with someone who seemed to talk 'up in the air', in fluff land, vaguely, and did not supply you with important details of reality. You'll be saying: "Give me the details, and let me see what it means to me".
Knowing how and at what level a person processes information, gives us important information about how to package our communication to that person in an effective manner.
So to communicate with someone who needs and wants details, give him/her lots of specific details, break things down into specifics. To communicate with someone who needs a more global understanding first- talk in concepts, principles and the larger ideas first. Skip the details when you start – you can go there later.
So to manage another more effectively through the way you communicate, notice where the person is on this continuum of global vs. specific and chunk your information to suite their preferred style.
Next time we'll look at our frames of mind about dealing with instructions.
To effective communicating!
Telana
Labels: communication
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posted by Telana @ 6:37 am,
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The Author
Telana Simpson
Telana Simpson is a Professional Personal and Communication Coach. She is a caring and focused facilitator who has a passion for expression. She helps executives, individuals and entrepreneurs find authentic ways of communicating their inner potentials.
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